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We are sometimes harder than we would like ...
In Gestalt therapy, there is a look at the experience of anxiety, as if the arousal is stopped.
Of course, by excitement in psychotherapy is understood not the generally accepted association with sexual tension, or rather not so much and not only that.
Excitement is a sensual impulse to action, not yet carried out. Impulse concerning any experience. That is, excitement is present in us almost constantly. We want to say something, we want to eat, to the toilet, we dream of a promotion at work, we want to kiss someone, or give it to the face, we are frightened by a loud sound, we want sex, or to ask something, or to cry - all this is excitement . It precedes any non-mechanical action. And it must find a way out, a discharge; otherwise, this impulse turns into alarm.
Anxiety, especially long-lasting, hard-to-bear, interferes with work or family life, or just one that exhausts and exhausts the background - this is a lot of your arousal stopped by you.Some desires, feelings, not reaching the consciousness of experiences.
So, a long frustration in the zone of self-realization, when a husband constantly insists to a housewife that she doesn’t need a job, but she still wants, but for some reason doesn’t go - it can cause alarm.
Or very polite, well-educated people who are not allowed to openly express their irritation, disagreement, anger, if they do not go to compensate for the karate section or dancing, can attend anxiety attacks. Especially before an important meeting. Especially - in the company of these wonderful people who must always be kept in mind. What a sedition!
In traumatians, anxiety is almost a constant companion of life if they are not in therapy. The experience of trauma is very fonit, no matter how you push it out of consciousness, with a multitude of feelings not experienced, which means - unexpressed excitation pulses.
Any person who is not satisfied for a long time and does not find a way out of this energy, by definition, accumulates anxiety.
- "I am afraid of rejection, or that I will be badly evaluated." Any fear can be translated into desire. For example, this one in - “I really want acceptance and positive evaluation of myself.”
“I’m afraid I’m not able to cope, I’ll fail.”Possible options for stopping arousal: “I want support,” or “I want confirmation that I’ve got it,” or “I want to figure out why I’ve failed, and for that I need support.”
- "I am afraid of death." Or often described irrational fear of non-existence, non-existence. Such anxiety in the study is decomposed into the same simple constructs as in previous cases, but in greater quantities. For example: behind the fear of death, there can simultaneously be fear of living the wrong, not your life, and the fear of loneliness and the fear of opening up in relationships, being alive, and much more. And behind the fear of non-existence there may be a desire to be seen and accepted without trying to devour or destroy.
These simple things are very natural. If I don’t get something for a long time from what is important for myself, but I don’t really understand that my anxiety will grow. If I cope with my desires, suppressing and denying them - anxiety will increase significantly. If you continue to displace it, you can get a symptom - a panic attack, for example.
In our society, it is not customary to pay attention to our mental life. This is sometimes considered almost embarrassing.But we are not machines, not robots, we do not live in the fantastic worlds of writers and directors of blockbusters. We are living people with a living psyche, which, whether we like it or not, works according to its own laws. And we depend on it, because it is part of us.
Our anxiety is the part of us that speaks to us. It is important to listen.
Another important point. Anxiety grows when our attention is directed either to the past or to the future.
For example, apples. If I want to bite off an apple that is fresh, washed in my hands, I most likely will not face anxiety. I'll just start eating. The action is minimally delayed in time. I understand that I want an apple. It is at hand. I bite off a juicy, fragrant crispy piece and chew, enjoy. If there is no apple, I can start thinking: is there any apples in the stores at this time? and how can I get it; and what will people think if I go to the store in old leggings. Substituting instead of the desire to eat any need: whether I am worthy of this apple; or maybe tastier than a banana; maybe apples are not mine, too risky; or not prestigious, or - what it will lead to in the future, or - how bad it will be for me to live without apples, I will perish without them. Conflict is growing, growing and anxiety.
I can also face a choice: to go to a couple of dark quarters in the morning to pick up the desired apple in the rain, or to accept the fact that right now you have to do and fall asleep hungry. I chose - I will not go out into the street at night, I was honestly upset that I didn’t eat apples, I accepted it and fell asleep. If, at this point, I deliberately do not choose to give up the idea for a while, but begin to twist my thoughts from the series: why the store is so far from my house; why damn apples are so hard to get; I am apple-dependent and my life is rolling down the slope; but Tanya always has apples on hand; all normal people have apples in a pot at home, but not me; What is all this for me! If I often deal with my desires and emotions in this way, I accumulate dissatisfaction, I do not notice it for a long time, then I turn it into anxiety.
It is possible to want apples so much and live at the same time somewhere in the desert, or in the Antarctic (where they are not delivered in general) and hope - will they suddenly deliver the apples in six months? Imagine how much your attention will be held on this issue. Anxiety by the end of the term will fonit oh th! And if in this delivery the apples were not brought, even though they promised? If you continue to wait, over the next half year you risk becoming a very disturbing person.
But all that was needed was to recognize that in the present apples it was not observed, and there was no way to get them. Get upset about it, grieve, and start thinking about how to replace them. Or move to the place where these apples - hell, if they are unbearable without them. But for this you need to listen to yourself, recognize that without apples - in any way, find a willingness to give up a sedentary life, get together and go towards a brighter future. True, this is a great inner work. But if the need is so significant, and nothing is being done with it, in time the person will not feel good. Anxiety will remind him that there is a deal and something must be solved.
Of course, the example of an apple is very simple, albeit visual. In addition to jokes, a person has a lot of complex needs. And few of us were taught to recognize them. You can simultaneously experience frustration in different areas of your life and simultaneously strive for opposite things. We are people so arranged that experiences happen to us against our will. We choose only how to handle it. We are sometimes harder than we would like, and this can be terribly uncomfortable. But not boring.
PS: While writing, I really wanted apples.Have to go to the store.